glass
chapter vii of skate story features a sequence where the skater is thrown on stage after being told that what was once thought of as a path to salvation was only meant to trick and lead the skater into torture
there's fixtures on the stage for the skater to skate on
rails to grind on
ramps to jump off of
there is no goal presented to the player
just a stage
and a timer
counting down the time until the end
skateboarding is something i've tried multiple times in the past
i remember one time when i was still living my with parents as an adult
i think i was about 20 years old?
probably happened 10 years ago
we'll say that it was for the sake of the clean numbers
point is,
i tried to skate
i got a skateboard
i didn't have a job at the time
so i became nocturnal
i'd walk a few blocks from home
to the parking lot of a gym
in the dark
after hours
to give myself a nice flat area to just
try to skate in
i'd listen to music off my phone as i tried
i think i was listening to the tron legacy remix album
i didn't try to look up videos on how to start skating or anything
i don't know why i didn't
could've pulled them up on my phone pretty easily
but i made it work
i'd make attempts walking into getting on the board and just balance best i could
i fell over frequently
but would manage to stay on the board longer
and longer
the more attempts i made
i remember the feeling
there's a vulnerability that came with it
partly why i felt most compelled to try at night in the dark
felt safer that way
but the vulnerability was still felt
it can be hard to try something new
especially as an adult
it's easy to feel locked in as the number flips over to 18
my body became hardened at that point
dried into glass
painful, fragile glass
the mission in skate story is made clear in the beginning
you are a demon made of glass and pain
you have a contract with the devil
you must eat the moon
you must skate
on this journey your body of glass shatters with each failure
again
and again
and again
hit a curb, fall off your board, eat shit, shatter
you come back immediately, ready to skate again
progressing through the game is a combination of challenges involving landing tricks, combos of tricks, and even just skating through areas
it felt pretty obvious to me early on that the game gives a lot of room for error
tricks and combos didn't need to be heavily optimized
there was a lot of opportunity to do tricks even in the sections that just expect you to skate to the end of the area to progress
blank space for expression
style for style's sake
doing it because you can
and why not
if given the opportunity why not skate
and not just skate
but risk it
eating shit and shattering be damned
take the chance and make it your own
let your hunger for the moon
fuel your own self-expression through skating
you must skate
chapter vii is not the end of the game
but i think it's what is sticking with me the most right now
as a particularly poignant moment in the game
where everything started to click and make sense
all these pieces that people may look at the game and think are disparate
strung together just cause
forming a cohesion
why else would i
when presented with that stage
with no specific goal
just a few minutes to wait through
start skating
as oblivion neared
skating on a stage
knowing that i was about to shatter
in front of an audience
and yet
skating felt like the most natural thing in that moment
vulnerability and all
representation is important
but i find myself bouncing off of narratives that should have representation for me
like, the more similarities a character may have with me the more i feel
uncanny
a little cut off from the experience
things aren't quite right
almost there but
not
representation is important
but over time i've found that
what hits me the most
and shakes me
is usually more disconnected
more metaphorical sometimes
i found my representation in glass
glass appears solid
but it can shatter
and it can melt
which means the shape isn't set in stone forever
dust can gather
even in motion
but it's shed off with change
shattering hurts
but it's not the end
pick up the pieces
put them back together
in an image closer to what you desire
each crack is an opportunity
can't let shattering keep me down
after all i must skate