ten year undertale
i remember when i had to move out of a place i lived in for just a year after a break-up
after moving into my new place, went to an arcade with a friend
groove coaster was there
one of my fave rhythm games to play at arcades
like a lotta rhythm games it seems nowadays, it features a selection of undertale music in it
on this particular session, i played "last goodbye"
there's many people have that have entered and exited my life
sometimes by my own fault
sometimes i've tried to reconnect
sometimes i've found it too hard too
but regardless of if those reconnections happen
i think i've found the confidence in myself to know that
even if life feels like it's going through a reset
and the people i'm used to being around me aren't around to stay
it'll be okay
it'll heal
and there's still opportunity
and hope
as long as i keep trying
something something determination, i guess
but actually though
determination
not letting myself get in my own way
knowing i'm worth something
regardless of what kind of output i have into the world
i haven't been writing a whole lot for this blog in a long while
or for online in general
i made a video last year and planned on a second one
but never actually got around to making it
i think some of my creative output felt motivated by a feeling of
needing to, rather than wanting to
like, i needed to provide some kind of value to the world to be
worth something as a person
i don't think that's a good place for me to create from
i'm still proud of the things i've made
but i'm prouder now of the connections i have
there's people i wasn't able to reconnect with
but there's multiple i was able to
who are very important to me
and also relative to the length of my life so far
there's people fairly new in my life
that i'm incredibly thankful for
having a new hobby lately that forces me out of the house multiple nights a week has been lovely too
introduced me to even more people i'm thankful to know
people that say hi to me, talk to me, ask me for my input
i can create still
and now, i think it's coming from somewhere better
and that makes me happy
playing "last goodbye" in groove coaster became a bit of routine for me for a while
whenever i was at that arcade, i'd play it
it's kinda funny
that person i used to live with, they donated to undertale's kickstarter
but opted out of having their name in the credits of the game
and of course the credits of undertale are accompanied by "last goodbye"
it's a little hard to not remember whenever i hear "last goodbye"
and even harder whenever i've replayed undertale
seeing the backer names speed past
i try to see if i can find their name
of course it isn't there
but the absence of it makes me wanna look even closer
i think life is full of last goodbyes
and they aren't good or bad necessarily
they just are
happy ten years undertale\